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I Wonder

5th January 2015

'I Wonder' came about from me contemplating who or what I might be had I not embarked upon the journey of Anorexia...a lot of this thought was around what my body would look like, what my 'natural' size would be, and also how I might be as a person, and what else I might be doing. During parts of the Anorexic journey, I often had this parallel desire to find my natural dancing body size, and whether this would be the same as what it was before I became Anorexic. What I feared most at this time was what if my 'natural body' was not suitable for the high level ballet at all, and then what could I do about my 'dancing dream'?

I wonder.........

I wonder
I wonder who I would be,
were I not what I am now?
I wonder who I would be
or whether I would know
who I am at all?
I wonder if I would be
what I fear most?
I wonder if I would be
what I hope for most?
Not set back in my track,
but moving forward.
Life takes its course
and we steer the wheel.
But we cannot control the engine
that is in higher hands.
How did I get to where I am now?

Leighah Darcy
1994/5

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