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50 Eggs

10th March 2021

I’d brought 10 easter eggs for my family you see.
But all of these eggs were eaten by me.
My eating disorder made me eat them all in one binge.
Then when I’d eaten them I got rid of them with a purge.
I got rid of the wrappers in public bins.
This was where the self destruction begins.
I replaced the eggs thinking I could resist them this time.
But before long I caved in and they once again became mine.
I hadn’t enjoyed any of the eggs I’d eaten.
It felt like punishing myself, getting a beating.
The cost was £50 but much more you see.
The real cost was the mental punishment to me.
In total I had 50 eggs in a week, due to my eating disorder.
I binge ate them all, then vomited them back, that was so out of order.
Not one of them did I enjoy, it was comfort self harm all rolled into one.
When I look back I can’t believe what I’ve done.
But now things have changed I’m leaving eating disorder behind.
And if I choose to have an egg the decision will be mine.
No binge eating this time and no purging you see.
I am now in control of my eating disorder, its no longer in charge of me.

Christine xx