The Conflict

5th January 2015

Knowing what I the healthy way forward, understanding the issue, and yet feeling 'driven' towards keeping the control and keeping the Anorexia. Understanding the conflict, wanting to be free from the Anorexia, and yet feeling compelled to keep on with it. This was what was going on behind the writing of this poem.


The Conflict

I know,
I understand.
I know,
yet I do not
understand.

Words without action.
Action without control.
Without control
over that which I control.

Scared.
Confused.
Alone.
What next?

What I want
is not what I want.
I want half,
but not the other half.

I cannot go on,
yet I must.
Struggle,
Struggle as I might,

I must go on.

Yet why don't I go in the healthy direction?
Because I know,
but I cannot control.

Why?
Because I must.

Leighah Darcy—1994/5